Naturally, I must target you for my first real blog entry. You are the inspiration for this blog's existence, so it's only fair.
This is mostly directed to the early morning and late night drivers that I often encounter because of my work schedule. The mid-day drivers aren't all that bad (except during the lunch and dinner rushes), though today a couple morons came out late (or early). I have a few requests for all of you morons out there. Honestly, they're for your own safety. Die on your own time, not mine.
Request one: Take your fucking time, but do it behind me.
Pulling out in front of someone just to go slower than them is very uncool. You could have waited 5 more seconds and gotten behind me, as there were no other cars but me on our side of the fucking road. But no, you had to be sure to be first so that you could go 15 MPH below the speed limit in relatively good weather, but while there's incoming traffic on the other side of the road, so I'm stuck behind you for 30 minutes.
Request two: If you absolutely must go 15 MPH over the speed limit, get the fuck off my ass and do it already.
Sometimes I like to go 45 in a 55, not gonna lie here. Sometimes it is necessary to go 40-45 in a 55 because ice and snow does not equal road. Sometimes I go 57-58 or, if I'm feeling lucky, I'll run 61-63. Regardless of the speed I am driving, you will not get me to go faster by getting on my bumper. If you want to go faster, ok, pass me, don't just hump my bumper. Are you not aware that you can pass in this particular area? Can you not see past my tiny car in your huge pick-up truck? Are you turning 10 miles from here and want to just wait it out because you enjoy the suspense? Whatever your issue is, I don't care.
Stoppit.
Side request: to the douche that was going 40, then 55, then 40, then 50, then I got sick of it and passed you, then you thought it would be cool to almost rear end me and shine your brights multiple times in my rear window to punish me for passing you... your logic is...? Is this supposed to intimidate me and make me pull over so you can own the road? Are you unaware that a simple /duck maneuver allows me to evade your attempt at blinding me? Even if you're not aware of that fact, are you really so upset that you don't know how to drive and that I passed you because of it that you want me to be blind and crash into someone completely innocent because of you? To you I have this special request:
get off the fucking road.
Request three: at least go the fucking speed limit.
This seems slightly hypocritical, considering what I said above about me sometimes purposely going slower. Two things to note: if I notice cars are coming up behind me I will speed up to what is comfortable to me, which is slightly over the speed limit, and if it's a busy time of day I will never go slower than the speed limit because I know how irritating it can be to be stuck behind a driver that just won't move like they should and you can't pass them because there's too many cars coming the other way. The only thing I ask in return is for this same courtesy. Too often, with no weather as an excuse and no stops coming up, people decide that it's cool to just chill and hold everyone else back.
Request four: turn signals - use them and use them properly.
I forget to use it once in a while myself, so my anger with this one is a little less justified... It's also more about me disliking things that are inefficient and hinder progress. What do I mean by "hinder progress" when it come to turn signals? When you fail to tell me that you're turning and I think you're going to keep going past where I am on the road you then cause me to wait for you to turn and then yell at you silently that I hate you for not telling me you were turning. This is especially irritating when traffic is heavier and I need every opportunity I can get to get moving again. In many cases, people not telling me "hey, have my spot" means I don't get a spot for a good solid minute or two. Just an FYI: it doesn't help for you to put on the turn signal as you're turning and it doesn't help if you leave it on after turning.
Request five: plz stop cutting me.
It hurts. A few times, it almost literally hurt. This is probably one of the most irritating ones, right after the first one. It also goes with every single other request I have had thus far. 9 times out of 10 the only reason you're cutting me off is so you can bob and weave through traffic to try to get ahead, but there's a lot of stop lights, so you're not really getting anywhere. Maybe you enjoy the thrill of it,
like it's some sort of video game... Well, sorry to disappoint, but it's most definitely not a video game and you're going to hurt someone one of these days.
Request six: learn to use your brights sparingly.
I'm sure everyone comes across people that use their brights longer than they should while coming towards you. To be perfectly honest, I believe a lot of people just forget and a quick flash of my lights gives them the message and they fix the issue promptly.
Thank you to those folks. However, there are some that just don't understand this signal or maybe don't realize just how fucking bright their lights actually are and figure it's no big deal. Apparently in some places flashing of lights can be a warning for cops being up ahead, ok, but it's also universally understood to mean you should check your brights. How about a quick check, then assume there's a cop up ahead? I will admit my eyes are slightly more sensitive to bright lights than the average person, but no one will ever appreciate you leaving your brights on, regardless of how close you are to them. A great number of drivers also don't seem to realize that it's just as rude to use your brights when there's someone in front of you. I've always been tempted to pull over, let these people pass me, then show them what it's like... Maybe someday I will.
tl;dr? Drivers suck.